just sitting around

Just a few minutes ago I was lounging on my dog's bed, with his head on my lap, reading a good book and appreciating the quiet as my two kids played World of Warcraft (13 year old) and the piano (11 year old composing on Garage Band). I was sipping a latte, reading the book and thinking that it doesn't get much better than this. Of course, the kids were fighting within minutes of me having had that thought but at least I was able to live in the moment for a short while. A conversation this morning, made me consider just how much time I spend in the present and I was forced to conclude, not much. I'm very much a future thinker always looking ahead. I've never been too troubled by this aspect of my character but the conversation with my friend this morning made me stop and think. I am quite anxious, not fully capable of sitting still (see my goal of actually being able to meditate which I have not been able to do even for 5 minutes yet) and constantly planning my personal future scenarios. This cannot be so healthy. In my more integral moments I can see myself as a piece of the much larger puzzle of existance, but I cannot achieve the physical stasis I need to fully appreciate the here and now. I dabble with yoga but... the Vinyasa kind that still keeps me moving. This country is not helpful either. The pace of our society is such that we rush everything and we are superficial in many respects. This is one of the characteristics of the US that first struck me when I moved here 18 years ago. That and the plethora of contradictions in American culture. One activity that does ground me somewhat is the act of creation be it in the written word, music or a sketch. But even reading for me is quite hard. I always feel like I really should be going....somewhere else, or to something else. I work hard to overcome that and practice reading every day of my life. I don't make New Year's resolutions because I make resolutions every day anyway, but this year I am going to dedicate one to the New Year. I am going to practice meditation every day until I at least achieve the ability to sit still. I will update this blog with my progress....